Ubiquitous
2014-11-14 23:30:39 UTC
15) Stupid Inbred Stack of Meat
????????· BUN tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO
14) Cow Sucking
?? · Shee-niou
13) A Baboon's Asshole
????? · FAY-FAY duh PEE-yen
12) Extraordinarily Impatient Buddha
??????? · Jen mei NAI-shing duh FWO-tzoo
11) Dog Fucking
??? · Go tsao de
10) Panda Piss
??? · Shiong mao niao
9) Frog-Humping Son of a Bitch
?????? · Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng
8) Stupid Son of a Drooling Whore and a Monkey
????????????? · Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze
7) Have a Shit-Throwing Contest with a Monkey
?????? · Gun HOE-tze bee DIO-se
6) Filthy Fornicators of Livestock
???????? · Huh choo-shung tza-jiao duh tzang-huo
5) Motherless Goats of All Motherless Goats
?????? · Gao yang jong duh goo yang
4) Holy Mother of God and All Her Wacky Nephews
???????????? · Wuh duh ma huh tah duh fong kwong duh wai shung
3) Shove All the Planets in the Universe Up my Ass
????????????? · Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo
2) The Explosive Diarrhea of an Elephant
????????? · Da-shiang bao-tza shr duh lah doo-tze
1) Holy Testicle Tuesday
????? · Shun-SHENG duh gao-WAHN
======================================================================
15) Stupid Inbred Stack of Meat
????????· BUN tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO
On a visit to one of Mal's old Army buddies, Monty, on an uninhabited
moon, Mal and crew encounter "Saffron", the beautiful con-artist who
once tricked Mal into marriage, and nearly stole his ship (played by the
absolutely magnificent Christina Hendricks); this time, she's taken the
name "Bridget" and married Monty. A short tussle ensues between her and
Mal (lucky bastard) which Monty breaks up as Mal explains the details of
their shared history. When Saffron, who had been denying everything,
lets it slip that she knows Mal's name, Monty abandons her on the barren
lunar surface. She screams this bit of Mandarin to the heavens as his
ship departs. This phrase is also noteworthy for its use on the back
cover of Serenity: The Official Visual Companion, where Chinese
characters inform prospective buyers: "If you don't buy this book, your
friends will think you're a stupid inbred stack of meat."
14) Cow Sucking
?? · Shee-niou
While helping Simon and River first infiltrate, then escape from, a
hospital on the affluent Alliance core world of Ariel, Jayne relieves a
security officer of his sidearm: a non-lethal sonic rifle. He proceeds
to attempt to use said weapon to blow open a locked door, to absolutely
no discernible effect -- thus prompting this response: "?? high-tech
Alliance crap!"
13) A Baboon's Asshole
????? · FAY-FAY duh PEE-yen
During the big, climactic shootout with Niska's men in "War Stories,"
Kaylee was the only witness to River's terrifying proficiency with
firearms (and her eerily nonchalant manner after killing three men in as
many shots). Kaylee never said anything, but after River is discovered
confusedly brandishing a loaded pistol, she fesses up and tells the crew
what she saw that day. Jayne is understandably reluctant to accept
Kaylee's version of these events, and expresses his incredulity by
referencing primate orifices. Cow sucking and baboon assholes: We love
Jayne.
12) Extraordinarily Impatient Buddha
??????? · Jen mei NAI-shing duh FWO-tzoo
Inara enlists the aid of the Serenity crew when a wealthy, evil
douchenozzle (one of the numerous wealthy, evil douchenozzles who
populate the Firefly universe) threatens a brothel run by her old friend
Nandi (the lovely Melinda Clarke). Anyhoo, Nandi and Mal start getting
cozy during their preparations for the coming battle, and after
examining her impressive guns (insert pun here) they engage in a little
pre-firefight bedsport. Nandi uses this phrase immediately prior to
giving Mal a yard of tongue. From what we have come to understand, the
phrase is supposed to express Nandi's frustration with Mal's gentlemanly
attitude. Apparently, the Captain had the Madam quite hot and bothered
-- and she grew all the more bothered the longer he took to make his
move. We don't quite get how describing an Asian religious icon's lack
of patience is supposed to make for good pillow talk, but spoken in a
husky whisper by the likes of Melinda Clarke, we figure a page from the
phone book would probably sound erotic.
11) Dog Fucking
??? · Go tsao de
More words of wisdom from the inimitable Jayne. When Mal and Zoe get
delayed during a train job, Wash refuses to proceed to the scheduled
rendezvous point where they would meet up with Adelai Niska, the
arch-criminal who hired them (yeah, another wealthy, evil douchenozzle
-- but this one's Czech). Jayne takes exception to this change of plans,
and demands to know why they're not on their way to the "??? rendezvous
point" as he so eloquently puts it. Jayne Cobb: Mercenary Poet, this
fall on AMC (you had your chance, Fox)!
10) Panda Piss
??? · Shiong mao niao
The Canton settlement on Higgins' Moon is populated by "Mudders" --
indentured peasants who harvest mud from the bogs for processing into
ceramics. Their drink of choice is a concoction called "Mudder's Milk",
a fermented beverage similar to beer with enough protein, vitamins, and
carbs to keep the workers nourished, and enough alcohol to incapacitate
them at night. When our intrepid crew pays a visit to Canton on a job,
Jayne is recognized by the townsfolk -- who due to a complex set of
circumstances erroneously believe him to be a hero (they built a statue
in his honor and everything). It's at the local tavern where Jayne is
outed by the Mudders, and once they ascertain his identity, the
bartender yanks the bottle of "Milk" out of Jayne's hand, refusing to
let the Hero of Canton drink that "???" and pours him a glass of the
best whiskey in the house (given the overall condition of the
establishment, we assume that "best" is extremely relative).
9) Frog-Humping Son of a Bitch
?????? · Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng
Simon plans a heist on a core world hospital as payment for the crew
getting him and River access to equipment that may help Simon determine
what the Alliance did to her. To pull it off, Mal, Jayne, and Zoe have
to pose as EMTs. To make the ruse believable, Simon gives them a crash
course in medical lingo. Mal finds this task rather challenging and uses
this colorful phrase to express his frustration.
8) Stupid Son of a Drooling Whore and a Monkey
????????????? · Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze
River's having a bad day and she's understandably reluctant to allow
Simon to take her to the Infirmary, given her past experience with
medical facilities. After her refusal, Simon attempts to calm her with a
sedative from his kit, which she relieves him of and tosses across the
room, nearly hitting a rather perturbed Mal. For no particular reason,
she babbles out these lines.
7) Have a Shit-Throwing Contest with a Monkey
?????? · Gun HOE-tze bee DIO-se
Another gem from the episode "Heart of Gold." When Nandi calls on Inara
to ask for aid in repelling Rance Burgess, the aforementioned wealthy,
evil douchenozzle, we learn that she and Inara trained together at the
same Companion House, but Nandi was expelled and Inara was ordered to
shun her. Nandi reminds Inara of this fact -- in response, Inara offers
this constructive suggestion of what the House could do instead of
telling her whom she can or cannot associate with.
6) Filthy Fornicators of Livestock
???????? · Huh choo-shung tza-jiao duh tzang-huo
As a clergyman, Shepherd Book is usually denied the use of the kind of
innovative vulgarity the rest of the crew enjoys. Sometimes, however, a
particular sight inspires even a man of the cloth to throw down with the
best obscenity slingers. Book offers this exclamation in response to
crime boss Adelai Niska's reprehensible act of sending the Serenity's
crew their kidnapped Captain's severed ear. Fun fact: the
Firefly-Serenity Pinyinary offers translations of not only the entire
phrase, but of the component words. We mention this in case anyone might
be wondering if this translation is simply a more polite way of saying
"Dirty Cow Fuckers". It isn't. Foreign languages are fun, huh?
5) Motherless Goats of All Motherless Goats
?????? · Gao yang jong duh goo yang
Another slice of pure Mandarin what-the-fuckery, this time from Wash,
who has the honor of delivering some of the most outrageous Chinese
dialogue this side of a Beijing mental hospital. Wash mutters this under
his breath when he learns that Magistrate Higgins has put a landlock on
the ship -- his consternation doesn't last long, for only a moment after
noticing the lock, it was removed. Only Inara knows why (she was hired
to deflower the Magistrate's son, and accomplished making a man of him a
bit too well for the senior Higgins' liking).
4) Holy Mother of God and All Her Wacky Nephews
???????????? · Wuh duh ma huh tah duh fong kwong duh wai shung
This may be the most awesome phrase we've ever heard in any language;
only its lack of vulgarity kept it from breaking the Top Three. Once
again, it issues forth from the mouth of Wash. In "Our Mrs. Reynolds,"
we first encounter the deliciously devious ginger con-babe, Saffron.
After leading Mal to the "Special Hell", she proceeds to the cockpit
where she puts the moves on poor Wash. Only his devotion to Zoe keeps
him from succumbing to Saffron's charms -- devotion that earns him a
roundhouse kick to the head. This marvelous line is his singular
response to Saffron's advances.
3) Shove All the Planets in the Universe Up my Ass
????????????? · Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo
More magic from the loquacious Wash, who is growing jealous of the bond
between Mal and his wife, Zoe -- forged during their years in the war
and the jobs they've pulled together. It's right after the Ariel heist,
and the crew is enjoying the fruits of a profitable take. Wash thinks he
had a better idea on how they could have unloaded their goods, and when
he asks Zoe what she thought of his notion, she parrots Mal's rejection.
Wash's frustration culminates in this off-color outburst.
2) The Explosive Diarrhea of an Elephant
????????? · Da-shiang bao-tza shr duh lah doo-tze
Our penultimate entry is delivered by Mal, and once again, it draws its
inspiration from the influence of Saffron. When Mal makes it clear that
he's not interested in the accidental bond of wedlock he wound up in,
Jayne, paragon of chivalry that he is, offers a perfectly reasonable
deal. Jayne presents his most prized possession--a Callahan full-bore
auto lock rifle with a customized trigger and double cartridge
thorough-gage. He proposes an even swap, which by Jayne's reasoning is
more than fair. This statement is Mal's assessment of Jayne's proposal,
and really, who hasn't referenced explosive pachyderm feces when
expressing complete incredulity? Happens to us all the time.
1) Holy Testicle Tuesday
????? · Shun-SHENG duh gao-WAHN
This is one of the shortest phrases on the list, but makes up for word
count with sheer outrageousness. Remember, these phrases are originally
composed in English (though the idea that they pick random Mandarin
phrases with no notion of what they mean is quite amusing, and not
difficult to believe). Therefore, Ben Edlund and Jose Molina, the
writers of this episode, had to go to the show's translator, Jenny Lynn,
and ask her how to say: "Holy Testicle Tuesday!" in Mandarin Chinese.
Damn, we'd kill for a job like that!
As for context -- once again, Saffron brings out the most bizarre
vulgarities imaginable in the Serenity crew: Mal and Saffron break into
the palatial estate of Durran Haymer, an Alliance officer with an
incredible collection of priceless antiques from "Earth That Was". These
three words (or four in Pinyin) are how Mal chooses to express the
impressiveness of Haymer's knick-knacks.
????????· BUN tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO
14) Cow Sucking
?? · Shee-niou
13) A Baboon's Asshole
????? · FAY-FAY duh PEE-yen
12) Extraordinarily Impatient Buddha
??????? · Jen mei NAI-shing duh FWO-tzoo
11) Dog Fucking
??? · Go tsao de
10) Panda Piss
??? · Shiong mao niao
9) Frog-Humping Son of a Bitch
?????? · Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng
8) Stupid Son of a Drooling Whore and a Monkey
????????????? · Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze
7) Have a Shit-Throwing Contest with a Monkey
?????? · Gun HOE-tze bee DIO-se
6) Filthy Fornicators of Livestock
???????? · Huh choo-shung tza-jiao duh tzang-huo
5) Motherless Goats of All Motherless Goats
?????? · Gao yang jong duh goo yang
4) Holy Mother of God and All Her Wacky Nephews
???????????? · Wuh duh ma huh tah duh fong kwong duh wai shung
3) Shove All the Planets in the Universe Up my Ass
????????????? · Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo
2) The Explosive Diarrhea of an Elephant
????????? · Da-shiang bao-tza shr duh lah doo-tze
1) Holy Testicle Tuesday
????? · Shun-SHENG duh gao-WAHN
======================================================================
15) Stupid Inbred Stack of Meat
????????· BUN tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO
On a visit to one of Mal's old Army buddies, Monty, on an uninhabited
moon, Mal and crew encounter "Saffron", the beautiful con-artist who
once tricked Mal into marriage, and nearly stole his ship (played by the
absolutely magnificent Christina Hendricks); this time, she's taken the
name "Bridget" and married Monty. A short tussle ensues between her and
Mal (lucky bastard) which Monty breaks up as Mal explains the details of
their shared history. When Saffron, who had been denying everything,
lets it slip that she knows Mal's name, Monty abandons her on the barren
lunar surface. She screams this bit of Mandarin to the heavens as his
ship departs. This phrase is also noteworthy for its use on the back
cover of Serenity: The Official Visual Companion, where Chinese
characters inform prospective buyers: "If you don't buy this book, your
friends will think you're a stupid inbred stack of meat."
14) Cow Sucking
?? · Shee-niou
While helping Simon and River first infiltrate, then escape from, a
hospital on the affluent Alliance core world of Ariel, Jayne relieves a
security officer of his sidearm: a non-lethal sonic rifle. He proceeds
to attempt to use said weapon to blow open a locked door, to absolutely
no discernible effect -- thus prompting this response: "?? high-tech
Alliance crap!"
13) A Baboon's Asshole
????? · FAY-FAY duh PEE-yen
During the big, climactic shootout with Niska's men in "War Stories,"
Kaylee was the only witness to River's terrifying proficiency with
firearms (and her eerily nonchalant manner after killing three men in as
many shots). Kaylee never said anything, but after River is discovered
confusedly brandishing a loaded pistol, she fesses up and tells the crew
what she saw that day. Jayne is understandably reluctant to accept
Kaylee's version of these events, and expresses his incredulity by
referencing primate orifices. Cow sucking and baboon assholes: We love
Jayne.
12) Extraordinarily Impatient Buddha
??????? · Jen mei NAI-shing duh FWO-tzoo
Inara enlists the aid of the Serenity crew when a wealthy, evil
douchenozzle (one of the numerous wealthy, evil douchenozzles who
populate the Firefly universe) threatens a brothel run by her old friend
Nandi (the lovely Melinda Clarke). Anyhoo, Nandi and Mal start getting
cozy during their preparations for the coming battle, and after
examining her impressive guns (insert pun here) they engage in a little
pre-firefight bedsport. Nandi uses this phrase immediately prior to
giving Mal a yard of tongue. From what we have come to understand, the
phrase is supposed to express Nandi's frustration with Mal's gentlemanly
attitude. Apparently, the Captain had the Madam quite hot and bothered
-- and she grew all the more bothered the longer he took to make his
move. We don't quite get how describing an Asian religious icon's lack
of patience is supposed to make for good pillow talk, but spoken in a
husky whisper by the likes of Melinda Clarke, we figure a page from the
phone book would probably sound erotic.
11) Dog Fucking
??? · Go tsao de
More words of wisdom from the inimitable Jayne. When Mal and Zoe get
delayed during a train job, Wash refuses to proceed to the scheduled
rendezvous point where they would meet up with Adelai Niska, the
arch-criminal who hired them (yeah, another wealthy, evil douchenozzle
-- but this one's Czech). Jayne takes exception to this change of plans,
and demands to know why they're not on their way to the "??? rendezvous
point" as he so eloquently puts it. Jayne Cobb: Mercenary Poet, this
fall on AMC (you had your chance, Fox)!
10) Panda Piss
??? · Shiong mao niao
The Canton settlement on Higgins' Moon is populated by "Mudders" --
indentured peasants who harvest mud from the bogs for processing into
ceramics. Their drink of choice is a concoction called "Mudder's Milk",
a fermented beverage similar to beer with enough protein, vitamins, and
carbs to keep the workers nourished, and enough alcohol to incapacitate
them at night. When our intrepid crew pays a visit to Canton on a job,
Jayne is recognized by the townsfolk -- who due to a complex set of
circumstances erroneously believe him to be a hero (they built a statue
in his honor and everything). It's at the local tavern where Jayne is
outed by the Mudders, and once they ascertain his identity, the
bartender yanks the bottle of "Milk" out of Jayne's hand, refusing to
let the Hero of Canton drink that "???" and pours him a glass of the
best whiskey in the house (given the overall condition of the
establishment, we assume that "best" is extremely relative).
9) Frog-Humping Son of a Bitch
?????? · Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng
Simon plans a heist on a core world hospital as payment for the crew
getting him and River access to equipment that may help Simon determine
what the Alliance did to her. To pull it off, Mal, Jayne, and Zoe have
to pose as EMTs. To make the ruse believable, Simon gives them a crash
course in medical lingo. Mal finds this task rather challenging and uses
this colorful phrase to express his frustration.
8) Stupid Son of a Drooling Whore and a Monkey
????????????? · Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze
River's having a bad day and she's understandably reluctant to allow
Simon to take her to the Infirmary, given her past experience with
medical facilities. After her refusal, Simon attempts to calm her with a
sedative from his kit, which she relieves him of and tosses across the
room, nearly hitting a rather perturbed Mal. For no particular reason,
she babbles out these lines.
7) Have a Shit-Throwing Contest with a Monkey
?????? · Gun HOE-tze bee DIO-se
Another gem from the episode "Heart of Gold." When Nandi calls on Inara
to ask for aid in repelling Rance Burgess, the aforementioned wealthy,
evil douchenozzle, we learn that she and Inara trained together at the
same Companion House, but Nandi was expelled and Inara was ordered to
shun her. Nandi reminds Inara of this fact -- in response, Inara offers
this constructive suggestion of what the House could do instead of
telling her whom she can or cannot associate with.
6) Filthy Fornicators of Livestock
???????? · Huh choo-shung tza-jiao duh tzang-huo
As a clergyman, Shepherd Book is usually denied the use of the kind of
innovative vulgarity the rest of the crew enjoys. Sometimes, however, a
particular sight inspires even a man of the cloth to throw down with the
best obscenity slingers. Book offers this exclamation in response to
crime boss Adelai Niska's reprehensible act of sending the Serenity's
crew their kidnapped Captain's severed ear. Fun fact: the
Firefly-Serenity Pinyinary offers translations of not only the entire
phrase, but of the component words. We mention this in case anyone might
be wondering if this translation is simply a more polite way of saying
"Dirty Cow Fuckers". It isn't. Foreign languages are fun, huh?
5) Motherless Goats of All Motherless Goats
?????? · Gao yang jong duh goo yang
Another slice of pure Mandarin what-the-fuckery, this time from Wash,
who has the honor of delivering some of the most outrageous Chinese
dialogue this side of a Beijing mental hospital. Wash mutters this under
his breath when he learns that Magistrate Higgins has put a landlock on
the ship -- his consternation doesn't last long, for only a moment after
noticing the lock, it was removed. Only Inara knows why (she was hired
to deflower the Magistrate's son, and accomplished making a man of him a
bit too well for the senior Higgins' liking).
4) Holy Mother of God and All Her Wacky Nephews
???????????? · Wuh duh ma huh tah duh fong kwong duh wai shung
This may be the most awesome phrase we've ever heard in any language;
only its lack of vulgarity kept it from breaking the Top Three. Once
again, it issues forth from the mouth of Wash. In "Our Mrs. Reynolds,"
we first encounter the deliciously devious ginger con-babe, Saffron.
After leading Mal to the "Special Hell", she proceeds to the cockpit
where she puts the moves on poor Wash. Only his devotion to Zoe keeps
him from succumbing to Saffron's charms -- devotion that earns him a
roundhouse kick to the head. This marvelous line is his singular
response to Saffron's advances.
3) Shove All the Planets in the Universe Up my Ass
????????????? · Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo
More magic from the loquacious Wash, who is growing jealous of the bond
between Mal and his wife, Zoe -- forged during their years in the war
and the jobs they've pulled together. It's right after the Ariel heist,
and the crew is enjoying the fruits of a profitable take. Wash thinks he
had a better idea on how they could have unloaded their goods, and when
he asks Zoe what she thought of his notion, she parrots Mal's rejection.
Wash's frustration culminates in this off-color outburst.
2) The Explosive Diarrhea of an Elephant
????????? · Da-shiang bao-tza shr duh lah doo-tze
Our penultimate entry is delivered by Mal, and once again, it draws its
inspiration from the influence of Saffron. When Mal makes it clear that
he's not interested in the accidental bond of wedlock he wound up in,
Jayne, paragon of chivalry that he is, offers a perfectly reasonable
deal. Jayne presents his most prized possession--a Callahan full-bore
auto lock rifle with a customized trigger and double cartridge
thorough-gage. He proposes an even swap, which by Jayne's reasoning is
more than fair. This statement is Mal's assessment of Jayne's proposal,
and really, who hasn't referenced explosive pachyderm feces when
expressing complete incredulity? Happens to us all the time.
1) Holy Testicle Tuesday
????? · Shun-SHENG duh gao-WAHN
This is one of the shortest phrases on the list, but makes up for word
count with sheer outrageousness. Remember, these phrases are originally
composed in English (though the idea that they pick random Mandarin
phrases with no notion of what they mean is quite amusing, and not
difficult to believe). Therefore, Ben Edlund and Jose Molina, the
writers of this episode, had to go to the show's translator, Jenny Lynn,
and ask her how to say: "Holy Testicle Tuesday!" in Mandarin Chinese.
Damn, we'd kill for a job like that!
As for context -- once again, Saffron brings out the most bizarre
vulgarities imaginable in the Serenity crew: Mal and Saffron break into
the palatial estate of Durran Haymer, an Alliance officer with an
incredible collection of priceless antiques from "Earth That Was". These
three words (or four in Pinyin) are how Mal chooses to express the
impressiveness of Haymer's knick-knacks.
--
So to recap:
Iraq is imploding
Ebola is spreading
Russia is expanding
The US is being invaded
Vets are dying
IRS is lying
And Obama is fundraising & golfing
So to recap:
Iraq is imploding
Ebola is spreading
Russia is expanding
The US is being invaded
Vets are dying
IRS is lying
And Obama is fundraising & golfing